Eoin: Is Edel here?
John: no she’s in meeting, is there something I can help with?
Eoin: no I just need a word with her.
John: is it a personal matter?
Eoin: no its nothing really.
John: Are you sure? Is it sexual?
Eoin: NO!!, what?
John: is it anal seepage? You can talk to me about that
I went on a blind date once…. I was sober too, she looked like her head had been set on fire and put out with a spade'!!
bxxd na mxxa client suggested they wanted to do a green schools initiative. John - what?! You're a fossil fuels company, that's like a paedophile giving sweets to children!
Jimi looks at the ultrasound of Noah for the first time and John says whats that? Jimi - that's my child, John - I thought you were gay?!
I'm 16 stone, 2 stone for my head alone'!
Lottery meeting: client wants to add the same image again - John: 'It's like if you were wearing plaid trousers and a plaid hat… ya can't wear a plaid shirt'….. Client wants to put the image somewhere else, John: 'Now your adding plaid shoes'!!!
'He is just retarded, he'..... 'So, then the horse walks into the bar, says to the barman'
He's got one gene less than anyone else… he's a SPAZOTARRRRRRD!!!
We are just screwing that woman'!
Brand new client, first ever meeting. He sees a picture of a red Axdi R8 and goes 'That car is just sex, that's get on me now SEX'!
Email to an event organiser: 'We will sign off today on €1,000 for 10 delegates. It’s the recession and that’s all we have. I have also advertised you on our site and you got 1,289 hits Got to be worth something' (tickets cost €375 each!)
That's good, someone write it down.... and crumple it up and throw it in the bin 
We could do an App for Inxxxxx (youth suicide prevention charity)… about hang man?
Jim: John, I’m dying here I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it in

John:  So are you hungover or just being a softcock?